Much, much stress results from you wanting things to happen before their times have come. One of the main ways I assert my sovereignty is the timing of events, Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, let me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in my presence. -Sarah Young
I'm beginning to realize what "surrender" really means. I'm not sure I like it all that much. I mean, sure, I like the idea of God controlling what my life is going to look like. But, could he make it fit into MY time schedule? I mean, sure his timing might be better...but I'd really like things to happen right now. I'm not a very patient person. In fact, I'm pretty impatient. But, I'm beginning to realize the value in being patient and letting things happen as they will. I'm beginning to see that maybe things are going to work out okay.
For some reason, I had this ideal life plan for my life. It started in High School (maybe before then, but that's really the first time I really remember). If you know me, you know I'm the planner type. I plan things out. It's my way of "controlling my worry factor", but it often just leads to more worry. I had this plan that I was going to go off to college and fall madly in love with the perfect future husband. We'd date three years, he'd propose right before senior year rolled around, and we'd get married after graduation and have lots of beautiful babies. (Ha. That's really funny High-School Self. I don't know what you were thinking.) Needless to say, things have not happened as I'd planned. Some people (ahem, my father) blame it on the fact that proper grammar is not an option- but rather a requirement- if you want me to be your girlfriend. Sorry- I'm a nerd. We can't help these things. If I'm always silently correcting your grammar "becuz u tlk lyk dis"...I'm going to go crazy. Deal. Breaker. I also have exceedingly high expectations. As in you have to hold the door open for me. You better treat me with R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Must like kids and understand that while puppies are cute, I'm allergic. My dad set high standards...and your going to have to follow in those footsteps. I was treated as a princess for 21 years and expect that much. You get the idea. Not many boys coming knocking on my door (Except for when they forget that their friend and I did a room swap and she no longer lives here. But, that's another story). So, needless to say, it's almost SPRING and I don't have a ring. Or an immediate prospect for getting one.
I like Valentine's Day. While it often brings out the inner cynic and I joke around about "cheesy valentines", I kind of like the idea of a day that revolves around getting chocolate and flowers (Note to any boys that may be reading: I like Tulips- and I can name the 5 points of Calvinism. Please click that link so that you can get my joke.Theology nerd- sorry. I'm not a huge fan of smelly flowers that make me sneeze.) I could go on and on about "how absolutely horrible my life is because it's valentine's day and I don't have a valentine" (Oh- boohoo. Cry me a river. Get over it!) But, I think I've finally found contentment. It's not that I don't want to get married. I do. But, I'm willing to wait- as long as it takes- for God to bring me my "perfect husband". Right now, he's fine tuning me and preparing me with the skills I need to be a good wife. Likewise, he's doing the same to develop my future husband into the man I desire Him to be. I'm realizing that for today- I'm called to singleness. It's a day by day thing that could change anytime. But, I'm giving thanks for this season of growth. I'm choosing to find joy in the situation I find myself in- rather than complaining all the time. God has a wonderful master plan for my life. He will provide for my every need, and I trust that he will take the best care of me. I am perfectly positioned where I am for such a time as this. I'm deciding to surrender my hopes and dreams, so that I can receive God's hopes and dreams. Annie did a blog post yesterday and said something profound that really resonated with me. She said,
I give thanks for this bare finger, thankful for the promises it holds. There may not be a ring there now. There may never be a ring there. And if there never is, He is still faithful, and I am still blessed.
You are absolutely precious to God- never doubt that. He has a whole list of hopes and dreams just waiting for you...if you just allow him the chance to intervene in your life plan. Stop stressing out about things not going your way and embrace the moment. Enjoy the journey.