Thursday, June 24, 2010

this world has nothing for me.

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

My heart is yours for life
I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in you
I need You Jesus

I've come to realize that I'm a goal person. I like to create goals for myself. They aren't bad things....they're actually fairly normal for the society we live in. Things like "Make good grades", "Finish four years", "Get a job", "Get married", "Have kids", "Adopt cute Asian babies"....these aren't inherently bad goals. They're actually pretty good. I'm pretty sure my parents would like me to finish college in four years. And I are good. And marriage and kids aren't too bad either.

But, I've come to realize that maybe my plans aren't God's plans. Maybe he has something so much bigger planned...but I'm going to miss out on it. And it is breaking me inside. I like the idea of getting married right out of college. I had it all planned out....time frame and everything. I like being called pretty. Relationships are comfortable. I over analyze everything. But  then...God has a way of making his way into my life. And putting his plans in my life....and well....his plans don't always correspond with mine the way I would like them to. It's a scary thought....but what if I'm not called to be a Mom? I can't imagine that scenario. I've always wanted to be a stay at home Mom...and I dream of the day that I have a kid running up to me calling me Mommy. But, what if that isn't in my near (10 years out) future? What if God is calling me to go serve him...uninhibited? Maybe I need to stop planning my life around my three (now two) year timeline. Maybe....I need to stop seeking praise from the world...and instead praise my creator.

In the's not going to matter if I finish college in 4 years. Or really...if I finish at all. Jesus could come back tomorrow...and I need to know that I'm doing everything I can to serve him....faithfully, not halfheartedly. The things that were my dreams....they don't matter. I can't let anything get in the way. I can't let my plans get in the way of God's plans....they are so much better...I know it.

There are tough decisions in my future. I honestly don't know what I want to do with my life. Or rather, what God wants me to do with his life. I'm being called to serve. I'm listening to God for guidance on that one. And those other plans? I definitely hear a loud voice on that one. Those plans need to make way for God. I need to trust him to take care of everything...and not take things into my own hands. The world tells  me I need to hurry up and grow up....but, I think I need to leave room for God in the equation.

By the way. There's this book. Called Radical. Changed my life. My viewpoint. Showed me...I'm not who I thought I was. I'm called to a higher purpose. There's something more....something better. Something radical.

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